Welcome...to my mind.

in the shower

me: that's not quite hot enough let me just turn it up to boiling lava.
me: yes good i shall bathe in the waters of mordor.
me: why do we have like 25 different kinds of shampoo?
me: i'ma read the back of this.
me: lather, rinse, repeat?
me: why do i have to repeat is your product so shitty it didn't work the first time?
me: hold the fuck up i have to write fanfic in my head real quick.
me: if water is a renewable resource does that mean every celebrity i've ever loved has showered in this same water before?
me: eheheheheheheheheheh.
me: but you didn't have to cUT ME OFF.
me: did i already wash my hair?
me: i think i did but i don't remember.
me: i'ma do it again.
me: FUCK I REPEATED.
me: well played, pantene pro-v. WELL PLAYED
me: i wonder what it's like to have sex in the shower.
me: i bet it's awkward.
me: i bet a lot of injuries happen that way.
me: okay time to get out.
me:
me:
me: where the fuck is my towel.
a-pizza-my-heart:

a-pizza-my-heart:

I’m lame I’m sorry

wait i’m wearing this today whoops

a-pizza-my-heart:

a-pizza-my-heart:

I’m lame I’m sorry

wait i’m wearing this today whoops

monroeville-sunsets:

ereriful:

guiltyhipster:

shinyeren:

shinyeren:

what team

SURVEY CORPS

GET YOUR REMAINING LIMBS IN THE GAME

MOST OF US ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.

GETCHA HEAD OUT OF THAT TITAN’S MOUTH OH GOD

fanduhmbs:

Happy Think-you-are-funny-pretending-to-forget-that-you-were-going-to-mention-The-Silence-day!  

spermbanker:

my emergency survival kit is just gonna be a dog. maybe a bandaid.

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

ask-romano-blog:

jensenbatckles:

graphic-mortality:

This is why, ladies and gentlemen, we should all invest in church camp.

if i ever neglect to reblog this assume i’m dead

I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR YEARS